Wanting To Know...

It has been a year since my last post and several years that I have not seen or heard from Angel and Armoni(their names have been changed). I hope they are well and I pray that they will always remember us. Hopefully their adoptive mother will see this post or perhaps someone who knows her. We will not cause any harm. We just want to see or at least hear from them, K. Holsome

A person that loses a partner is called a widow. A Child that loses a parent is called an orphan, but there are no words to describe a parent that has lost a child, because the loss is like no other... Think of someone you know who has lost baby, or a child or a grandchild and remember and honor their love ones.

AUTHOR UNKNOWN

The Pain Is Still There

I wanted to write a new post frequently. However, each time a write it is like ripping an old wound that has healed, creating more pain than before. I just happen to stubble upon my own blog, and for what ever reason I thought I would write this time. It has been over three years that we have not seen Angel & Armoni, their names have been changed to show that they belong to someone else, and to wipe out all that can associate them with their God Given Family. Soon they will be of age to search for their two brothers, grandparents, cousins and others that they have been alienated from. I often wonder if they ask their adopted mother, Kathy, where are their brothers, Deavion and Evin? Can we see them? What words of comfort can an adopted mother, who for all intent and purposes wishes that the true families of Angel and Armoni disappear? I can not think of any. At least not any truths. This is an outward plead from a Grandmother who deeply loves and cheerish the grandchildren whom she has not seen or heard from in years. Please when you are old enough post to this blog, or my facebook page https://www.facebook.com/gloriakaiser1997. Or look us up on whitepages.com we still live at the same address. We have no intentions of leaving until we have found you.

Remember Cynthia Rose

It has been years now that I have stop researching articles about a person’s fight to regain custody of their children from Child Protective Services. It is just too painful. Recently I decided to revisit the topic, and came across a book written by a woman who also had lost her grandchild. So I sent an email off to her sharing my plight, and she took the time to answer my email. She expressed her sorrow and suggested that I share my feelings with other grandparents who have also had to go down the deep dark path of loss. She also offered a practical suggestion, to keep a scrap book for Angel and Armoni, so that can see what happened during the years that they were away for us.

I fight the feelings of resentment for Cps, the foster mom Kathy, and my own daughter whose strength to fight for her children was weaken by drugs and mental illness. I still ask what person or organization would dare to keep children separated from families that love and can take care of them? Sometimes I can thwart the feelings of resentment and other times it sneaks up on me. The damages of resentment are costly; it ruins one’s physical and emotional health, as well as relationships with others.

I pray that one day Kathy, will see it in her heart, that Angel and Armoni are missing us their God Given Family and will allow a visit or at least a phone call. To date this has not happen.

I encourage anyone who has shared our experiences and those who do not believe that there exists an agency that separates children from loving family members who will keep them safe from anyone who will cause them harm. The book, Remember Cynthia Rose: Grandparents fight to keep their grandchildrenwritten by Jeanne Sinclair-Krause journalist and freelance contributor to several magazines and newspapers. She holds a degree in psychology from San Diego Mesa College.

I like to end this post sharing one of the reviews posted on Amazon by a reader of Jeanne's book.

“Because of Jeanne Sinclair-Krause's book "Remember Cynthia Rose" Cynthia Rose will know that her family loved her and fought for her. Many children will never know that anyone in their birth family cared. The great problems of the world are horrific, but they should not distract us from the personal dramas that leave dying families and wounded children. It is terrible when a family loses an adult member. It is criminal if a good, loving family loses the right and responsibility to care for the children of that adult. Often the cohesion of the core family doesn't survive the multiple loss. Social service agencies and community leaders will eventually understand what has happened and have to answer for the loss this child and her family have endured. As states are awarded funds for proper adoptions they should be fined for improper ones. Read this cautionary story and add your voice to the choir by talking to others about this problem and contacting your legislature for changes. I anxiously watch for more to come from this social detective.”

So Long...

It has been a long time since I have added a new entry to this blog. It is so painful to write about the Angel and Armoni (their birth names, adopted mom has changed their first names) we missed them so much. Perhaps they are remembering us as we are them. We still live at the same address and have the same telephone number if in the future they want to find us. I would like to hear from other grandparents who have had their grandchildren taken by the state and adopted out. Just to see how they are coping or if they have had the good fortune of somehow getting in touch with them. Anyone who reads this and knows of anyone please refer them to this blog.

Child Adoption vs. Family Reunification

I once viewed a movie in which a child was being severely abused by his parents. He locked himself in a closet and called the child protective services hotline and was able to be rescued from a heart wrenching situation. Children should be protected from abusive parents. However, this agency‘s goal of protecting children has, because of federal and state regulations, turned into an agency that separates children from families.

The reason for the change of the agency’s agenda in recent years is highlighted in a research article by The Education State University, “In 1980, Congress passed the first comprehensive federal child protective services act, the Adoption Assistance and Child Welfare Act of 1980 (Pub. L. 96-272), which focused on state economic incentives to substantially decrease the length and number of foster care placements. This act also required specific family reunification services, reflecting the goals of the 1909 White House Conference. However, in 1997, in order to cure many of the defects in the 1980 act, Congress passed the Adoption and Safe Families Act, which shifted the focus from family reunification to expeditious permanency for children in adoptive placements. All state child protection systems adopted the federal guidelines as a requirement for receiving federal subsidies.” Child Protective Services - HISTORICAL OVERVIEW, CURRENT SYSTEM.

To receive federal aid States have used these guidelines to support their decision to place children into non-family adopted homes. This has resulted in separation of siblings, loss of contact with grandparents and other close family members, and the destruction of the child’s legacy and heritage.

Not A Day Goes By...

Although it has been over a year that I have posted to this Blog, there is not a day that goes by that I do not think of them. Now Angel is 11 and Armoni is 10. I hope they think of us as well.

I try to refrain from resentfulness and vengenfulness, those are not christian qualities nor are they healthy ones. I often wonder how I would react if I some day see Angel and Armoni at the super market or in the park with their adopted mom, Kathy H-B. I would like to ask her why she felt she had to change their names or why she felt that we should not have contact with them or prevent them from having contact with their siblings. More importantly, does she feels that such acts are more harmful than helpful? Or would I just politely greet her and give my grandbabies the kind of hug one gives to a love one who they know they will never see again? I hope I have that opportunity.

Adoptive parents need to know the importance of the children's biological families. After all if it was not for the biological families the children would not be here.

On the flip side of the coin there are adoptive parents that welcome the biological families to be a part of their family. One such family is the Singer family. They have had several foster children in their home and have now adopted them. They tiredlessly work along with the biological families, as long as there is no physical danger to the children, to raise their children in a emotionally healthy environment. My heart and love goes out to parents such as the Singer Family. May more adoptive Family following their example.

That Will Be $400.00

It seems at this point, in spite of our many legal attempts, we cannot see nor have custody of Angel and Armoni. So I decided to go about this a different way. The siblings of Angel and Armoni have not been allowed to see each other as well. After researching I discovered that adoptions done through Maricopa County Courts there is a program that will reunite siblings who have been separated by adoptions. It is called The Confidential Intermediary Program which provides a service to help facilitate contact between parties of an adoption (Adoption triad members) or siblings separated as a result of a dependency action. Voila! If we couldn’t see the children here’s an opportunity for the children to see each other. I placed a call and it was explained to me how it works. However, there is a fee, $400.00 dollars. For those of you that have been following my blog and it seems that there are only 3 of you, you now know that we have spent thousands of dollars and countless hours in the efforts to gain custody of Angel and Armoni. There is not a price that can be place on seeing our grandchildren or having our grandchildren seeing each other. However that $400.00 represents to me another injustice of this system of extorting money for something that they do not own in the first place, family.

This time of the year is especially hard, because this is the time for family. I hope someday Kathy B, the new adoptive mother, will someday read this blog and have a change of heart. After all this is the time of the year when people believe that so call miracles happen. Well, this remains to be seen. For now Kathy please grow a heart and realize that these children need their God given family. To all those foster and adoptive families who feel that keeping children away from their biological family is somehow heroic, please think again. It’s immoral, it is wrong on so many levels, and it’s an insult to God who created the institution of Family.